10 most redundant dialogues in bollywood

The backstory, the bechari maa, the apathetic society, the difficult childhood of the hero, his having to steal medicine for a sick family member, the unruly bad man, the tragedy, the struggles of the hero, the entry of the heroine, the vengeance of the hero for our villain, oh there’s the heroine again, a song or two on hilltops and around the trees, a couple of fight scenes, the funny sidekick, the funny sidekick’s funny sidekick, the villain’s reign of 20 odd years being savaged by the return of the hero, the villain’s anger, another fight scene, oh the heroine again, the respected elder’s advice, the final fight scene, hero, heroine, true love. the end.

There was a lot going on in the movies back in the day. The story had everything from rib tickling comedy to some serious melodrama. And when I say serious I mean gut wrenching, heart clenching, tears-filling-up-the-oceans serious. Now there has to be some really heavy word play going on in the story to balance it all and churn out more than 800 movies a year. That's right. Over Eight friggin' hundred.

But bollywood has never disappointed in the dialogue department. There has never been a lack of serious stuff. Incredible performances by legendary actors that have inspired generations of film makers and actors. But that’s a story for another day. Today we talk about the really cheesy, typical bollywood masala dialogues that have been used over and over again. And again. And again. And yet strangely, they are always relevant, always fit the story and can be spoken by just about anyone in the movie. In fact, if you just collected all these dialogues, you wouldn't need much else to come up with a movie of your own.

So here we go:

1. Kaan khol ke sun lo

You know, as opposed to when you are listening kaan band karke. Just open your goddamn ears, well open them, OPEN THEM AND FUCKING LISTEN WILL YA?????!!! Well that is the basic sentiment behind this line.  

2. Inko dawa se zyada dua ki zaroorat hai

Now if the line doesn’t scare you already, let me take the pleasure of pointing out that it was usually the doctors who said this. Yes the damn doctors who were clearly not very good at their jobs and insisted every single time that ab sab kuchh upar wale ke haath me hai.

3. Kya isi din ke liye tumhe paal pos ke bada kiya tha

Melodrama we survived upon. Still do. But this line. God this line. It has been said by so many people in so many movies, there was clearly some miscommunication going on coz no one ever knew the answer to this question. pehle hi bata dete kyun paal pos kar bada kar rahe ho to baad me confusion nahi hoti. trial and error se thodi na pata chalega. picture after picture they tried finding out ki aakhir kyun paal pos ke bada kiya but alas…..!!

4. Bhagwan ke liye mujhe chhod do

I can’t top what Shakti Kapoor had to say in reply to this. Bhagwan ke liye tumhe chhod doon toh main kya karoon? I mean come on, what would he do?

5. Bhagwan maine aaj tak tumse kuchh nahi maanga

It is pretty clear by now that god had a significant role to play in every one of them films. He used to probably watch them with the same excitement as us and then suddenly hear his name and go, “Wait, I am supposed to do something now? Damn can’t a guy catch a break!” And then of course get to work and come up with miracles and shit.

6. Kanoon ke haath lambe hote hain

Well that should come in handy since we all know that kanoon andha hota hai. Tough times for kanoon in bollywood. It was abused by every policeman. Kanoon ko apne haath me mat lo. Apne aap ko kanoon ke hawale kar do. Man so much confusion. And after everything they would just say ye toh hamara farz tha and walk away. No credit whatsoever for kanoon.

7. Mera aashirwad tumhare saath hai beta, tumhe kuchh nahi hoga

Well given how we can’t explain the hero beating the shit out 50 oversized, trained, badass goons with any form of logic or reason, we might as well go the aashirwad route. Yep, I have made my peace with it.

8.  Main tumhara ye ehsaan zindagi bhar nahi bhoolunga

This to a person the hero is never going to meet again in his life. Oh wait. He is in the next scene. In the villain’s kabza no less. And he needs a favor. Who will return the favor? The hero of course. See movies teach us stuff. A good deed never goes unpaid. Unless you are Nirupa Roy. All your deeds will go unpaid in that case. Sorry.

9. Main tumhare bachhe ki maa banne wali hoon

This was almost always a bad news. Followed by either the girl jumping into a river or in front of a train or bumping into the hero who would then help her go back to the douchebag “jisne ek maasoom ladki ka fayda uthaya tha.” Damn that is some heavy shit.

10. Ab hum kisi ko mooh dikhane layak nahi rahe

You know the story. Girl goes to her family. Family kicks her out. She then proceeds to the river or the train, whichever involves a lot of walking in the backdrop of sad music, or bumps into the hero who then helps her go back to the douchebag who…………….

Oh redundant, you say? Welcome to Bollywood.